self reflection 1

Until today I keep asking myself.. why I play games? Do I need to play? What am I trying to acheive?

Fyi, I've just quit WOW (world of warcraft), why? Because I don't have real friends to play with. I may have alot of online friends from all over the world but I dont see any praising or challenging to play.. sometime I just feel "I have to play or else I waste my time, I need this valor point I need this item I need this profession so that I can look good" all that is just my imagination, as if I am the one holding the sword slashing monster and demons.

So back to the questions, why I play games?
I have some real friends like hairil, wan, rab and hafizul playing common/leasure games like WOT(world of tanks) and dota2, the best reason why I play with them because of friendship, I do not want to loose that friendship.i guess I dont need to be pro or excel in gaming, I just have to spend my time with them together. Thats all.

The reason why I ask this question is because..usually I reach home at 8pm, by right I need to sleep at 10pm but most of the time I play until 12am and I need to wake up at 5.30am. I always feel sleepy and unproductive at work. I ever ask myself this questions;
If I only have 2 hour for myself, what happen if I have a girlfriend, a wife?

To recalled back the past 7 years (yah I've been single for years because I'm busy playing games and have alot of fun in my life) almost everyday I have to spent my time over the phone for about up to 2hour updating each other what happened at work(lol its like WOW dailies XD),then spending overseas call up to $500-$600 a month for 1 year just to keep in contact . (Still end up fail relationship due to parent expectation issue, I guess) lol what ever with the past but the main thing is that I need to change.

Oh yah, one thing that I realized, when being single you start to talk to yourself. Its like whatever you feel you think, its all with your inner self. To think of it, its kinda sad actually (forever alone)

During my young programmer days (20years old) after I start understanding how programming works, I felt stupid. I said "only stupid people play games because obviously its not real, its what your program and ask the computer to do" few months later I start to continue playing because I felt lonely and nothing better to do. Yes I do have good skills in playing games, everyone knows that. Its the feeling of being good at what your doing. I cant say its my alternative life but its more like you enjoy playing.

So at this age, as I said.. I dont really feel the enjoyment but rather I feel im being force to play it :S

 lets talk about time. The past 6month i notice ive spent more time with my family but I left my friends due to my condition staying at jb and work. The only way to get connected with my friends is thru online.why?

As usual, mon-fri I busy working, saturday is consider my rest day, sunday I had to wash my cloth clean the house and yah rest and sleep.

Lets review my main plan for this year
1- slim down (planning to marry next year but no idea who to marry with, just prepare)
2- driving licence
3- specialist course

Things that I interested to do
1-mechatronics
2-ukhrawi studies!! (Damn I totally forget this as part of my main goal)
3-diving course
4-self travelling
5-alot more ah

Damn so many things I wana do but so little time.
I can do if I really wana do but which is the most importnat part in life to do, thats the thing. So I guess I must have discipline to follow my schedule in order for me to acheive the main 3 thing that I really wana have. :)